The mystery of love and marriage

I still remember when I was young (8-10 around), one of my parents asked me do I want to get marry when I grow up. I vividly remember my answer was “I will never get marry”. Little did I know back then, in a few more years, I will be crying for my first love (13 if I remember correctly).

I used to think about what love is and I still remember that whenever I read or hear someone proclaim “Love is ……”, I will find it hugely inadequate. Well, besides being a proud young man, I do believe there is some merit to it. We all agree (hopefully) that love is a wonderful thing (this is not a Michael Bolton reference, ok), but I don’t think we can imagine all the scenario of love. When we try to confine the broad spectrum of love into a small window, we are doing love no justice.

Even to this day, I really am not sure why I love my wife. I am not saying that I don’t love my wife, but there are times if I look at my behaviours, I cannot really say that I do. Come to think of it, there are definitely times that I do things that will make her unhappy, and I do it deliberately. There are just as much occasions that I intentionally do not do things that will make her happy. Even worse, a lot of times I will not think of her when I make a decision, and when she makes a decision, I often fell not happy about it.

From a more “objective” angle to take a look at our relationship it is even more “funny”. I still remember the look on our marital counselor’s face when he takes a look at our Myers-Briggs’ score. I guess he never seen anyone as polar opposite then us. When she is E-90, I am like I-90, and down the lists are exactly is same huge gap. He is very concern about we try to get to the middle and becoming more alike (and we do believe to a certain extend), but we are more enjoying the fact that we are so opposite. To us, there are a lot more benefits to being not the same than being the same.

I often told (and still do) my wife that I don’t love her a lot and she always said that it is ok. She understands that I am only being honest and in my own mind, I am not doing the best job that I can do. And by recognizing the truth, I am trying to be better. It is the trying that is my love for her, not who much I have now. On the other hand, she bombards me with her “love you love you” daily and when I am not responding, she understands it is just our differences talking, not me.

Life is surely sucks when you trying to talk about a deep and meaningful topic such as love and it turns into a shameless praise to the wife for their understanding. Booooooooooooooooooo!!!

It is the mystery of love and marriage I guess.


Chill