Super Lazy week

Wow, talk about laziness, I just have one of the laziest 2 weeks for a long while now.

First of all, I didn't exercise, I didn't practise, I didn't blog, basically I just sitting around playing Wild Arm 5, lol.

Well, I still haven't finished it, but I think I have come out of its spell now. For the last few years, I find that as any games that I play is closer to the finish, I have less incentive to finish it. I really don't know why. At first, I thought it is because the games that I play suck. But when almost all the game I play have the same feeling, maybe it is not there is something wrong with those games, it probably is me that have something wrong, lol.

Recently there is a certain "star" that I am quite hmmm "like", however, there are nobody, nobody in this world that gonna believe that I like her eyes, why can't I like someone for their eyes? What a pathetic world.

Some ultra bad shit had happen in church this week. After thinking about it for 10 minutes, my command to my wife is "if a person's goal is only to get into heaven, which they already did, there is a lot of thing that they can do:. The command seems to upset her a lot, lol. I think a better question is: why are we not adopting this kind of mentality? lol.

Raptors season starts tonight, yoohoo, need to go turn on the TV now.

50+ win, go Raptors go!

Devotion Sharing: Matthew Chapter 1

I read Matthew 1 this morning in my devotion today, just want to share some thoughts on it.

1) The first thing that I think of is that some pastors has pointed out in the past, the list (unlike the usual Jewish family list) included a few female and gentile. Some of them draw the conclusion that it show God has included gentile in his plan all along, instead of something that is added on in the New Testament. They also argue that God is not sexist since God use both male and female. I don’t have much feeling on this issues, I guess my response to them is “Yeah, OK” kind of a deal for now. I do, however, find it quite “neat” that it does include some ladies and gentile.

2) Talking about those female on the list, what had Tamar ever do? Compare to the rest of the female cast: Rehab, Ruth, Uriah’s wife (Bathsheba), Mary (do I miss any?). What did she ever do? What is her story? I really cannot think of any at the moment.

3) Rehab, I wonder how they work out the law for marrying a gentile prostitute.

4) Not that I believe that there are any significant, but the 3 “fourteen generations” do look a little bit too convenient if you ask me.

5) How can someone divorce someone quietly? You know the whole village know she gonna marry this guy but she never have a wedding (which should be a noticeable event at those day) and always stay at her house, dud. Yah, Yah, Yah, I know what it means, just saying, that’s all.

6) I wonder how Joseph find out Mary is pregnant.

7) Joseph knows from an angel in a dream, Mary actually get to meet an angel, lol.

8) I like the way that Matthew cover the father side and Luke covers the mother side.

9) My feeling of the day is that it is more important to be obedience than what you actually accomplish (or what you thought you have or could). Look at the list of female, compare to the male in the list, they “accomplishment” might seem trivial with respect to people list Abraham, David, Solomon…etc. But when you look at what they have done, they recognize who is God and willing to obey God. One simple act of obedience has secured them into the plan of God. How obedience seems to be a question that we should ask ourselves each day.

Hope you all have fun doing your devotion every day, I sure have fun today, what a surprise, lol.

Fantasy of the month

I often fantasize about different stuffs, situations, etc…… I am sure that most people do that too.

SO, I am fantasizing the other day, and I am honestly thinking that I am losing it.

Here we go:

I am working in a company (duh) and the company sends to work in a foreign country for a year (or more don’t really matter). So I get to live in a small apartment in a foreign city. Slowly I get to know the neighbour that lives beside me (a middle-age couple with no children for all who care). And I also get to know the owner of a book store that introduces me to some nice poem books.

YES, as I am saying, I am losing it.

Since I am in this nice topic of losing it, my paranoia seems to be acting up again after learned that there is a house get broke in very close by, sigh.

I am very restless for about 3 months now, maybe, just maybe, MIDLIFE CRISIS????? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Talk about 3 months, after 3 months of self learning guitar, I still cannot play a decent song, I wonder am I on track (notice the non-disappointment).

Talk about learning stuff, learning new stuff is one of those signs of someone is having a midlife crisis. Wow, now that circle is complete.

My life is almost done now, you can stick a fork in it.

When you are well done, you are done.

NoDame regret.

I read a few blogs/forums that are talking about the TV series のだめカンタービレ today. Apparently, there are quite a few people regret the fact that they do not learn any musical instrument or do not continue to learn their instrument when they were young.

Do I few regret about not be able to pick up an instrument? I don’t know. I do have 3 chances in my life to pick up an instrument. The first time is when in grade 2 to grade 3, for some reason (too young to remember) I was learning melodica in school. I even went to perform the regional 1000 people concert (don’t remember the exact name) which more than a thousand kids attend and play at the same time, we are even on the prime time news, lol. Too bad that the next year I have to change school and that is the end of that. The new school has no such thing.

The second time is when I was around 10-11 years old. One of my friend (which also my family’s friend) is learning violin, and he asked me if I want to learn too. I said that I will go check it out and I think I have attended 1 lesson. For some reason, we never talk about it ever again and that is it.

The third time is when I was 12, my school provides all students with extra-curricular music lesson, which we can sign up for one instrument and get free classes. My friend and I both sign up for the flute, and we later find out that since there are only three people (I really want to know even to this day that who is the third moron) sign up for flute classes, there won’t be any flute class. And of course, the school did not follow up on us, did not bump us to other classes (maybe because it is too full), the school just ignore us and since we are, you know, busy in our study, did not find out (or remember) about it for a long, long time.

I don’t know, should I blame the twisted hand of fate? I don’t even know does it count as regret since I am not responsible for any (or most) of what happen. I am not sure if I want to anyways. Even since grade 3, I always fail (or almost) my music class, especially the part that they ask me to do beat by clapping my hands. There is nothing musical in my life, I listen to songs for their lyrics, classical music make me fall asleep and the modern one bore me to tears. I have absolute no idea why I feel……unsettle……after watching the show.

As to why I am learning to play guitar now? I have no idea, I just feel like I need to do it.

What a fool.

Going to practice my pinky finger again, darn that retard finger

Hopeless-ly in Love

Mrs and I watched a TV show last night (のだめカンタービレ). The setting of the show (TV version maybe a little bit different than the manga version, since I do not have the chance to read the manga yet, I don’t know) is in a music university, they are both piano faculty students. The boy is inspired to become a conductor and the girl is described by everyone in the show, a weirdo. The girl is very much in love with the boy, the boy however, using one of the lines in the show, cares about her not even as much as cares about a sick stray dog on the street.

I have a dream last night, in the dream, a girl is crying and trying to play the piano at the same time. She just keeps on crying and crying, while her hands is playing a mixture or children song and classical song (too bad I don’t know much about music, or else I can better describe what I have dreamt). I don’t seem to be able to shake away her crying in my mind.

When I woke up from her crying, I remembered someone that I haven’t been thinking about for a long time. I remembered her, a girl that for at least one year is my classmate and the centre of my life.

I still remember her smiles and her face clearly, the way she pinched me so hard that I have bruises all over my arms. Love is blind, it probably is so much more so to a 14 years old. I remembered one day my father said to me “You know when you are younger, you always sleepwalking when you were younger. You haven’t been sleepwalking for a long time now until last night. You were sleepwalking and crying and looking for your mom”. I have no idea that had happened, all I know is that I dropped 20 pounds that year.

Life goes on, I have gained way way more than 20 pounds. What changed is that nowadays I really cannot tolerate the feeling of no matter what you do, you cannot change anything. I will do almost anything to get away from that feeling. Someone has let me taste the taste of hopeless.

I still like her you see, whenever I think of her, I still feel nothing but love, nothing malice.

I just wish I can shake away the crying in my mind.

Early morning