Circumstantial Alienation

Today, I decided to wake up and go to church. One reason is for the service, another reason is that I hope I can catch 2 friends (a pair of couple actually) that I haven't seen for around six months.

So, we get up early (me and my wife), and reach the church a little bit before the noon service (do you get the funny part about getting up early to go to the noon service?). I don't know whether they would show up or not, probably should call them before, but I really really wish that I can see them and I have this feeling deep inside me that I will see them.

After about five to ten minutes and a little chit chat with some of my friends, I finally spot them running down the stair and I start wave my hand like a fool to catch their attention.

I guess that they must be in some sort of world record rush. The wife run from the stair to the door and straight out to the parking lot (I am standing right beside the door and there are quite a few people at the foyer at that time), I am not sure if she spotted me or not cause the only thing I get from her is a cold glance (or miss me altogether). The husband while spotted me, run straight out past me and stop at the space that between the two sets of glass door. He asks me whats'up and by that time I am already not very happy so I didn't answer him right away. My wife answers for me and tell him that we just want to say hi. Maybe I already look extremely unhappy enough that he asked me (or us) again whats'up. My wife assured him that we (or me) just want to say hi. So he gave me this call him sign, and go after his wife.

I feel so sad that if I double the sadness, I can cry. My head gives me more than enough reasons to tell me that there is nothing, just people being busy. My heart, however, is being flooded with immense sadness. I don't want to just say hi, there are a lot of things that I want to talk to them about:

I WANT TO CONGRATULATE THEM FOR HAVING A BABY

I WANT TO CONSOLE THEM ON THE BAD THING THAT HAPPEN TO THEM RECENTLY

I WANT TO ASK THEM ABOUT THE LAST SIX MONTHS

I JUST WANT TO TALK TO THEM; I DO NOT WANT TO JUST SAY HI

Even when I think about it now, I can scream at the top of my lung.

Am I being foolish? Or Am I just being unreasonable? I don't know…

Sometimes little thing happen, nobody is trying to hurt anybody, but despite our best effort, little thing happen.

They are like a snow flake, easily brush aside, but your coat does get a little bit wet.

Little by little, bit by bit, it freezes your feeling and numbs your soul. It drags your feet slower and lays heavily on your coat.

Until one day that you cannot take it anymore, cannot endure the pain anymore, cannot feel warm anymore.

Maybe I just want someone to care about my feeling, for just one split second, put me in the middle of their universe.

Maybe it is nothing but a fool's yearning.

Of course, they are also 99.9% chance of me being difficult, that possibility is screaming at the back of my head for 14 hours now.

Can a guy not be a little bit melodrama for a couple of minutes? Geez! That's no fun at all.

All kidding aside, we all do alienate people around us accidentally, and I would even say that it happens quite frequently too. And accidently or not, we all can feel its sting. I wish I am one of those strong hearted people and just brush it aside, instead of taking it like a personal insult.

Sigh, this is all so useless, even if I have the courage tell them, so what? So what indeed.

I wish them to have a beautiful child, no more bad thing that happen to their whole family, and a lifetime of love from heaven and earth, *hug**hug**kiss**kiss*.

Hope they have sweet dream every night.

Time for me to go toss around in the bed (thank God for giving me a wife that cannot even wake by an earthquake).

Chill