Debut Blues

So, my debut has came and gone and my only command is it sucks.

3 simple songs, and I managed to wrack one of them, and the other two, I don’t think that I have adjusted to the singing speed so the whole thing was a little bit out of sync.

Guess that I should have practice way way more.

But it is very hard to play the same 3 songs over and over again for 2 weeks in a row.

Maybe I don’t have the blood of a musician?

Probably my basic technique is not good enough, if it is better, I don’t need to practice as much.

I don’t think I have a problem of practicing basic technique.

There are multiply ways to practice the same technique, and I can play different songs in practice.

It is the repetitiveness of the same 3 songs that get to me.

I can never listen to the same song over and over again like some people that I know.

But I will not say that I am one of those guys that need constant outside stimulation.

I guess that it is a perk of being an “introvert”.

Speaking of “introvert”, sometime I have a song in my mind but I cannot sing/hum/voice it out.

Is it because it is too wonderful of a song or is it because I lack the mental ability to translate what in my head and reproduce it using my sound-producing organ?

Sound-producing organ, hmmm, has a certain ring to it, I am not sure if it is a good or bad ring though.

Let me go back to the mental song thing, I surely have no trouble sing/hum/voice out a lot of song that I know.

But once in awhile, there are songs that in my mind I just cannot sing/hum/voice them out.
Anyway, not like there is anything interesting to talk about to start with.

My mind kind of go shut down recently, even though a lot of big events had happened and a lot more will happen.

I think, it is a form of involuntary defense mechanism to protect my mine form going crazy (or simply overreact).

There are a few times in my life that I experienced this sort of “calmness”.

Maybe “calmness” is not the best word, it is more like a state of “emotional detachment” without being total emotionless.

It feels sort of like when you stop on a red light when there is another car stop beside you with their music blasting on high.

You can feel the beat with your body, you recognize the situation, but you are not affected by the music at all.

Well, when reality finally hit me, I am sure I will be already numb from the sensation.

I am sure some people (if I explain to them) will find me a heartless, emotionless jerk.

She (not try to pinpoint a particular “she”, maybe borderline sexist though) who will not try to understand, will never understand.

And people say that I am stubborn, lol.

I guess that one thing that is scarier than a closed fist is a closed mind.

As I always said, Life sucks, isn’t it?

Have fun while you are at it.




Chill